Lisa Turpin's journal of Horror!

Zacharias told me that some of the older pages of his book seemed to be fading. I'd heard that from other people and didn't think much of it, but then I looked at my own book and it's true, the ink really does seem to be warped and blurry, as if I might have accidentally dropped it in the bathtub -- which I didn't! It seems strange that the ink would fade, but then it was equally strange the way these books just sort of showed up that one Christmas without any real explanation. I think that's been the hardest part about learning to live in the wizarding world. The part where you have to learn to accept that sometimes the only explanation is "it's just magic".

Now that Mandy's been released from the hospital wing, there's not much reason for me to linger here at the castle. People are meandering out, more or less. I've plans to return to my parents in Camden so that I can start up on a project that I've not put much thought towards until very recently. I think Zacharias wants to come along for awhile if his parents are okay with it. We can smash about London and discover whether or not I really do come from a wild tribe of banshees or a royal line of squibs.

Or, hopefully and more likely, from very ordinary and everyday circumstances.

If I were home in Camden I would've liked to visit my church to ask Reverend Foster why it is that God has decided to punish the Ravenclaw house this year. I would ask him what is it that we did to deserve our suffering.

I suppose he might point me to the Book of Job as a reference, which would be rather pointless because I've read it before. Several times, in fact. If he gave me a direct answer it might be that we have to suffer to remind others of evil, or that we suffer because God is all-powerful and we have to remember that. But Reverend Foster always said it was dangerous to give reasons for suffering. I suppose that means we're supposed to just do it in silence. Suffer, that is.

I haven't seen him in over a year, but I suddenly feel very cross with Reverend Foster.

And I'm tired of sitting in the great hall, waiting for what comes next. That's the worst suffering of all, I think.

I just woke up!

Meaning, I've spent the last 48 hours taking lots and lots of naps. Sleep was more of a luxury than a necessity until only recently, so let's just say that I was in the mood to luxuriate this weekend.

On the whole I feel fairly good about my NEWTs performance. Friday was especially good as it was the Herbology NEWT, and Herbology is one of my strongest subjects. I had a few bobbles during the Potions NEWT, which I suppose means I may very well be one of the fools that Professor Snape spoke of the other day. I think it's more foolish to try and fail then to not try at all, but I may be alone in that sentiment.

Theodore, I really should thank you for taking the time and effort to help Mandy practise the Patronus charm. She later ended up helping me to practise it, you see, and as a result I think we both did very well on our Charms NEWT!

That being said, I think it is yet again time for me to go luxuriate... yes, already!

From flobberworms to NEWTs to book publications to war within the wizarding world... everyone certainly has a lot to say lately. I myself don't have anything original to add to the mix, except perhaps to say that I have been missing Kevin quite a lot lately. When we were revising for OWLs his notes were always so helpful; he was very neat and orderly, and used footnotes extensively. My own handwriting is disastrous, and Mandy's notes are... cryptic might be the best way to describe them (sorry, Mandy!). But more than being a helpful revision partner, Kevin was my friend. I miss him.

Some things I am looking forward to:

- Running into that odd man with the unusual teeth who sells all sorts of interesting goods. He's been around the castle a lot lately. I last saw him carrying a bucket of paint on the third floor. Painting is a popular hobby in the castle these days, it would seem. I myself don't need any paint, but I like conversing with unusual characters, and I think this man definitely counts as one.

- Seeing if Zacharias escapes the castle! Well, I'm really only teasing, but I agree with Mandy that it would be fascinating to see what happens when one tests Mister Moody's elaborate security system. Not that I'm volunteering. I'm really more of an observer, you see.

- Seeing what comes of Luna and Justin's wood putty potion experimentation. Luna, do let us know!


Finally, is anyone who was trapped in Azkaban planning on writing a tell-all book about their experiences? I personally think it would make for a very exciting read, especially with lots of fast-paced adventure and dramatic dialogue thrown in. I hope it isn't insensitive of me to say I'd like to read about such a thing, but I can't help but be curious.

Well. I almost thought I'd lost this thing, but apparently it's been hiding at the bottom of my trunk.

Funny, how I've missed writing in here.

I haven't been saying much mostly because I have nothing to say, for once. I know it's Christmas and it's a time to be Happy and Cheerful but I just can't. I cannot act one way when things have taken the worst.

Mummy and Daddy don't want me to return to Hogwarts and want me to go back to Muggle Schooling. I can't. Not when I've been exposed. I don't really quite know how to act or what to say.

But enough. Happy Christmas, everyone. Mandy, um. Well. I miss you quite a bit.

Thank you for escorting me, Michael. At least someone wanted me to go with them. I don't think I would have made it all the way if you weren't there. You were really nice, too. I'll have to tell Daddy that you were being a complete gentleman. Thank you, again.

Mandy? Did you get what I put on your bed?

Heeeeeeeeeeeee.

I hope you like it, sweetie!

I had the most uneventful summer holiday, now that I think about it, but it was certainly better than most! Well, for one thing, heee, I discovered some things that have made me all the happier.

For one thing, I've noticed something about myself that I haven't noticed before. Over the summer holidays, my writing seems to have improved and hee, it's overabundant in pages! My mother has made an incredible deal about my stories and is trying to get it published! That praise in itself is a dream! I doubt I'll ever get published (hee, just thinking about it sounds overly preposterous), but it's just nice to know what people think about it. I've also finally realised why I'm continuing to write - or cannot stop writing - and it's because I'm happy, heeee! I've never, truly been happy before. I know why, of course. I have such great friends - Mandy, and Zacharias especially - that I've grown close to. I've never truly been an extrovert, but if it means that I will meet people like them then I will definitely try harder to open myself.

School has also started, and to tell the truth, it's home away from home. I miss Mummy a lot and I miss Daddy too, but I like being in Hogwarts. Regardless of all the scary happenings, I feel entirely safe at the school. Mummy and Daddy don't really know much about magic in general - aside from my brief self written essays and letters - and I prefer they not know about the settling cold. It would scare them, but I believe, even in the darkest of places, there will be light. Oh, enough about this - I'm being somewhat silly, hee!

Mandy? I'm here, not lost, come find me. Zacharias, you want some homemade muffins tomorrow at breakfast? You know where to find me, if so. Heee, Mummy had a lot of nice things to say about you in today's letter - she hopes her little Hufflepuff is well, heee!

Goodnight, Hogwarts!

I haven’t been able to write – in anything – for the last couple of days. Mummy has been asking what I’m thinking – all the time – and I just can’t bring myself to say anything. I think she knows that I’m kind of with some one. I’ve always told her everything but this time I just can’t bring myself to do it. I have a feeling she would think it would be “unethical” to be involved in the kind of relationship that I’m in.







Mandy? When are you coming back?

Hee, I'm so glad summer holidays have started. A week before term ended, I started making a list of what I was going to do for the summer. Of course, it included the usual 'Spend more time with Mandy' and 'Write so many stories it hurts your hands', but this year it included another thing entirely! 'Invite your new friend, Zacharias Smith, over for some of mum's wonderfully baked treats!'

I talked to my parents about you last week Zacharias, and they said you could come whenever you feel like it! Then I talked to them again this morning - we discussed you over breakfast, hee - and they said as long as your father agrees they would be happy to have you over. I'm so excited. I can't stop thinking about it, really. But I would love it if you told me soon, though, so I can prepare something awfully special for you. Same goes with you, Mandy, but I already know what you're going to die for!

(And we can talk about you-know-what. When are you coming over? I need to tell you some things also and I'm afraid to do it by owl in case someone sees it.)

I’ve been studying (well, reviewing, actually) so much these last few weeks I practically can recite all of the fifth-year books. I'm glad I'm not a 5th year. All those OWLs would give me a heart attack. I don't know how I survived. Also, I’m glad, really, because they are fundamental to what I’m studying this year and I’m understanding so much more than what I expected. I guess this is good for both of us, Zacharias, heee!

I was telling my mum about you, actually. She said you sounded like a very nice boy and she wanted to invite you over to our house this summer holidays if you’re interested! I would love if you came over! We can go to the fair and have all these delicious muggle treats. It will be grand and I’ll be so happy if you could come.

Mandy, my mummy also wants to know if you’re coming over this summer? I hope you do. It would be so fun! Oh!!! That reminds me, Mandy!!! The new book came out oh my we have to hurry and go get it before it’s sold out! I’m so scared it’s going to be sold out and we’ll have nothing to read!

And as for the recent events that have been happening – oh, I don’t quite know what to say to that. I, myself, wouldn’t personally be comfortable with a murderer living in my dormitory. I’ve been so busy with Zacharias and my own exams that I’ve hardly had time to register how dark everything seems. Now as I reflect, I feel awfully ... well ...

I... I have to go now. Exams.

My ears, I think, are really sensitive. That, or they have trusted the silence so much that they won't break free from it. When I'm in the library, nowadays studying, all I hear is nothing and my ears are so used to hearing such stillness. Then when I head back to the Ravenclaw dormitory, everyone talks in such quiet voices that it's rare to hear someone scream or shout (unless, of course, it's Quidditch Day and then you can usually hear everyone whispering loudly everywhere). My ears hurt when unexpected noises - very loud, they always are - make their way through the air. My ears are hurting a bit right now, and they were hurting a lot more last week.

I really think I'm catching a light cold - nothing serious, though, I cannot afford something serious with examinations snapping right around the corner. But I've felt abnormally sluggish for the last two weeks that it's a bit depressing. It's affecting my schoolwork (slightly, very very very slightly). I don't really want to head to Madame Pomfrey for something so trivial.

I'm feeling fine right now, though, I usually feel better after I start writing what I like to write. But all this week has been extraordinarily slow, on most counts. On Monday after classes, I was calculating some numbers when I suddenly went blank. It's happened on several accounts - few and rare, it's always been - but I wish it didn't happen when I was calculating. I lost everything then. I really wish I hadn't, because I had to start over and it was so very hard on my already throbbing head. Ah, exams, how you managed to sneak up on me, I do not know -- yet, I should have known by now, in my sixth year, how you have become oh-so-onerous on me. On Tuesday, I didn't have time to have supper so I just asked Mandy to grab me a biscuit and she did, and so I ate it. Nothing really interesting happens on Tuesdays, but it was an odd shaped biscuit so I had to comment on it as the highlight of my day. On Wednesday, I managed to eat breakfast but the pumpkin juice tasted rather ... different, I must say - I think I was the only one who noticed it, however, because everyone else gulped it down as if it were life itself. Maybe that's why it was so different - because I found it as so when everyone else found it to be quite the opposite. Nothing interesting happens on Wednesdays either, at least for me. On Thursday, my books and quills and parchments got knocked out of my hands by a rather rude boy. I had to borrow one of Mandy's ink (and jar) for that day, because all of the beautiful black ink spilled on the ground. I never really found out whom that rushing boy was, but he didn't even have the decency to say he was sorry! I don't expect people to help me pick up my books or to offer to pay for my spilled ink, but I would like to hear a small apology. However, I do hope he got to where he was heading off to, I know how it is to be late that even rudeness is somewhat excusable. Then, today, Friday, I've finally had the soul-deep pleasure of pushing away my studies and finally settling down to write. School can wait until tomorrow, but Friday nights will always be mine with my endless amounts of blue notebooks (I do have Ravenclaw pride). Mum sends the notebooks and Daddy usually includes a poem too, on the first page. I got one in the owl-post today too!

Today is, and always will be, the end of a week and a day of pondering. I love being normal as much as I love writing. ... if only I can find that notebook that they sent. I gave up finding it a moment ago, but I'm about to restart searching for my treasure I seemed to have misplaced. Hm. If anyone sees a blue notebook with LISA TURPIN (with 'Such is the Ravenclaw way...' on the cover - heeee!!!), please return it. Thank you.

I don't really know what I am going to use this journal for. I've made a list of options I could write for this thing (“thing” is awfully generic, though). One of them was make this journal a book list - you know, of all the recent books I've read (since, of course, originality is a good thing, right? I don’t see anyone else doing it like I plan to). Then I thought - why don't I make this book a POEM book? Or a storybook? I could keep track of all the poetry and stories I've written in the last couple of years! But then I am embarrassed, because they will always been too sappy or too sweet or too unreal. Or, perhaps, too violent. I ask myself, ‘Who wants to read a story about a muggle and a wizard battle the evil forces? Then fall in love? Then eventually, they will end tragically? All in poem form?’

Exactly. No one, right? I figured as much. Besides, I think that’s a bit more personal than anything else. So, I guess I’ll just slide into the trend and use this notebook for writing my daily events.

But what will make me more interesting?

Should I lie? Should I write about the talk Terry and I had? Or about the book I found in Mandy’s trunk? Or the spider that I sat on at breakfast (without remorse, may I add)? Should I tell the world what I think of my useless hands – in poetry?

I don’t know. I’m really too tired to talk and I need to finish this paper I assigned myself, but the library is so empty. I kind of miss the giggling of the annoying second year girls and the sounds of the Saturday-Night snogging couple. Not to mention Smith’s awful clumsiness. I think I’m coming down with something, because I feel awfully slothful. But, I’m usually sick when I hope illness never comes.

Ironic, that.